Batteries Included
by GoingVintage
Summary: 18-year-old Puck takes his still somewhat innocent girlfriend Rachel to an adult store for a little shopping trip. For Fictable prompt #35 – Innocence.  ONESHOT.  Strong M for mentions of toys...  Written in June but just now posting over here.


Author's note: I wrote this back in June but only had it on LJ. Moving everything over so that all my fics are archived over here...hence posting it now. Idea for the story is from **truelovepooh****.** And thanks to my husband for our brainstorming session for this one-shot in the middle of Wendy's while an Amish couple sat two tables over. Pretty sure they may have to call their bishop tonight thanks to us. (And we tried to keep our voices low out of respect but I still think the wife was listening.) For _**Fictable prompt #35 – Innocence**_.

* * *

"Noah? Can you _please_ tell me again why we have to go in there?" Rachel chews her lower lip in frustration, her hand clinging to the open car door in a last-ditch effort to stop what she senses will be a humiliating experience.

Puck, halfway through the parking lot already, turns back and stares at his hesitant girlfriend with a frown on his face. "Babe…seriously? Would I ever lead you astray?"

Rachel puts a hand on her hip and glares. "Yes, you would…you do, actually. _All the time_. At every opportunity and at all conceivable moments, even when you aren't meaning to. Why do you think I'm so uncomfortable with this idea?"

Puck groans, turning back toward the car. He steps close to Rachel and puts his hand on her cheek, looking into her eyes. "Baby, please? We've been dating for over a year and I've been _really awesome _about taking things slow. I endured six very painful, horrible months of blue balls and jerking off 'til my hand fucking _cramped _because you wanted to "make sure I was serious" about you before you finally let me do you. And, shit, our sex life is awesome, I'm not pretending it's not… But _this? _This shit could make it _epic._"

Rachel looks away from the pleading eyes of her boyfriend (because she knows what those eyes do to her and it usually involves her panties sliding down her legs) and up at the store in question. The sign for The Passion Palace is big, red, flashy, and all together gaudy. There are headless mannequins in the window wearing various pieces of lingerie and one of them is holding what Rachel thinks is a whip.

"C'mon, baby," Puck urges, grabbing Rachel's hand and dragging her small frame towards the store. "I swear this shit will be worth your time. _Trust me._"

Rachel rolls her eyes because anytime those words slip from her boyfriend's mouth, bad things end up happening (Quinn got pregnant, Rachel and Puck got caught having sex in his truck behind the Dairy Queen on a Sunday afternoon, Puck's mom's kitchen stove blew up (don't even ask about that one.))

Puck pulls the door open and strides into the store, his chest all puffed out and looking exceptionally badass for an 18-year-old who is dragging his girlfriend into a sex toy shop with hesitation on her lips and near-fear in her eyes. He deflates slightly, though, when he spies the 76-year-old woman behind the counter. She looks like his Nana Connie and she's demonstrating to a heavyset woman the proper way to load batteries into something that looks a little bit like a pink jackhammer. If it's possible for his cock to shrink and retreat back up inside his body, that shit _right there_ could make it happen.

Puck looks back at Rachel and snickers because her eyes are huge and she's blinking furiously as she takes in the colorful, artificially-lit displays before her. She looks more like the innocent 16-year-old girl she was when he first fell for her than the sex-addicted 18-year-old girl that she is now. He knows he has himself to thank for that and he wishes she would just relax. He's not going to make her buy anything too freaky. Shit, no. He's fucking _Puckzilla. _He's got a (huge) cock, skilled fingers, and a long-ass tongue. There isn't one goddamn thing in that store that could get her off any better than _he _does already. He really just wants her to check it out and if she sees anything she wants to try out, he's all for it (within reason, of course.)

They wander deeper into the store and Puck's checking out the flavored lube section when he notices that Rachel's made her way to the dirty greeting cards. Her back is to him but he can see that her shoulders are still tense. Palming a bottle of strawberry-flavored warming lube, he walks over to her and drops his hand to the small of her back. "Hey babe," he says low in her ear. "Whatcha lookin' at?"

Rachel blushes and shows him the greeting card, which has a picture of a naked dude on the front. Puck smirks. "Mine's bigger."

"I know," Rachel says automatically, dropping the card back into the display.

"Here." Puck shoves the strawberry lube in Rachel's hand and she looks at it.

"What's this?" She reads the back of the little clear bottle and then asks, "We don't really need this, do we, Noah?"

"Fuck, no," Puck jerks it out of her hand. They don't need lube at all. She's like a fucking faucet for him. All he has to do is kiss her and she's practically dripping. "Just showin' ya that there's more to this store than dirty greeting cards. C'mon." Puck wraps his fingers around her forearm and pulls her down the aisle and they stop at the side wall, which is covered floor to ceiling with vibrators and dildos of all colors, shapes, and sizes. He shoots Rachel a glance and groans because her face is dark red and she's chewing her lip. He doesn't say anything…just watches. When her small hand reaches out and she pulls a purple dildo from the wall display, Puck grunts with approval. That shit right there? He'd use that on her in a heartbeat.

She doesn't say anything, just turns the package over and over in her hands and then puts it back. He's really fucking disappointed that she's not going to buy it but then she moves on to an even larger one. This one is flesh-colored and really close to being the same size as him. Below it, there's one out of the package for display and Rachel takes it off the shelf, fisting it in her hand. Puck's jeans are suddenly way too fucking tight. Watching his girlfriend with a dildo in her hand is almost too fucking much for him. She slides her hand up the length and back down again and Puck thinks he's gonna need to sit down because he's all fucking light-headed and shit now. She looks over at Puck and then lets out a laugh at the look on his face.

"Does this arouse you, Noah?" Rachel slides her hand up the dildo again and swirls her hand over the head _just like _she does to him when she knows he's really fucking close to coming and he snaps, pulling the dildo out of her hand and putting it back on the shelf because he refuses to embarrass himself in the middle of the goddamn store.

"You're not funny, Rach. That's a fucking cruel thing to do to the guy you supposedly love."

Rachel just grins. "Need I remind you that it was _your _idea to visit this establishment? I would have preferred to go to the library and pick up a book on improving my sexual technique."

Puck ignores Rachel and her need to _read _about sex and pulls her around the corner and down the next aisle, which is full of long cylindrical items of all sizes. Some have blunt heads and others are tapered. It takes Rachel a moment to realize that they're anal plugs and she sputters at the realization. Puck raises an eyebrow up at her before laughing and pulling her further down the aisle. They stop again at a display full of round things…just these little round bands of different sizes. Some are colored but most of them are black. Some have studs and snaps and others look like they're made of stretchy rubber.

"What are these, Noah?"

"Cock rings," he says knowledgeably.

Rachel looks perplexed, her fingers reaching out to touch one of the studded ones. "How—how does it work?" Her voice is curious but has that breathy quality that drives him crazy when he's inside her and she's begging for more. He loves that his girlfriend is still so innocent that most of this stuff is foreign to her. He loves that _he's_ the one that introduced her to sex in the first place. But he's hard now and he just wants to fuck her and she's nowhere near ready to leave the store, he can tell, so instead of nailing her in the backseat of her Prius, he entertains her questions.

Puck picks the package up off the display and says, "Well, Rach, I'd take my cock like _this_…" he motions in the air with his hand, "…and then my balls like _this_…" His finger reaches out and flicks the studded ring. "And then this wraps around _here _and it keeps me hard for a really fucking long time."

"I…" Rachel looks up at him, pulling her eyes from the ring. "Wow…. But I don't think we need one of those either, do we?"

Puck bends down and brushes his lips over hers because, fuck, he's so turned on, and says, "Hell no, we don't. My shit's like steel."

Rachel shrugs and takes the studded ring from his hand, placing it gently back on the display. He watches her wander further down the aisle and roll her eyes at the whips. "Seriously?" she asks herself before moving on.

She swings around to the next aisle and gasps. Before her are rows and rows of lingerie and costumes. _Costumes! _Her smile is huge now and Puck's pretty sure he just hit the sex shop jackpot. Suddenly, Rachel's hands are all over the packages. She's pulling off this costume and that one, holding them up to compare them. "What do you think, Noah? Would you like to see me in any of these?"

Puck just looks at her. Is she serious? Would he like to see her in any of those? Averting his eyes from his excited girlfriend, he points to the maid's costume. "That one." And then at the little slinky red thing with crotchless panties. "And that one." And then at the cowgirl costume. "And that one." He turns toward Rachel. "Damn, baby, I'd fuck you in every single one of these."

Rachel blushes hard but smiles through her embarrassment at his crudeness. "I think I'd like to get one, Noah. What do you think?"

Puck thinks he hears angels sing somewhere in the distance. His hot-as-fuck girlfriend wants to buy sex costumes. To wear. _For him. _

"Pick one out, babe. Wait…no. Pick _five _out. Or even ten. I'm good with _whatever_." Puck crosses his arms as Rachel's fingers skim over the packages. She's grinning like she's just finished her Tony acceptance speech and he's pretty sure that he's going to be fucked into a coma later tonight and he can't wait. He's so fucking hard as he pictures her in all of these costumes that he slides in behind her, rubbing his denim-covered erection against her ass.

"I can't wait to fuck you in one of these, Rach," he says into her ear.

She shudders in response and pulls a lacy pink negligee off the rack and adds it to her stack. Puck groans in approval and asks, "Are we almost done? I think we need to get out of here."

Rachel looks from her selections to the rack and back again. "Yes. Yes. I think I'm done. I think I have enough for now." She smiles up at him and says, "We can go."

"Thank fuck," he groans, taking off toward the checkout. He needs to get his girlfriend to her house and into one of these outfits _now. _

As they reach the front of the store, Rachel shoves the boxes of lingerie into his hands. "Oh! Go ahead and take these to the counter. I saw one more thing I wanted to get." He watches her long hair fly behind her as she zips down an aisle and turns toward Nana Connie's twin at the checkout counter. He drops the boxes on the flat surface and winks at the woman, who just ignores him and begins ringing things up. Just then, Rachel appears at his side and with a distinctive _clunk, _drops the flesh-colored vibrating dildo from earlier down beside the lingerie. Puck's mouth drops open and his cock goes from hard to so hard that he's going to bust through his zipper in a single second.

His girlfriend wants a dildo.

His girlfriend wants him to fuck her with that huge, fake cock.

_Goddamn. _He is one lucky asshole.

Smiling so broadly that he thinks his face is gonna crack, Puck hands the grandma behind the counter a wad of cash and she hands him the change. Grabbing the bag off the counter, he shoves it in Rachel's hands and leans into her ear. "Thirty minutes from now, you're going to be in one of those and on your way back _out _of it."

Rachel nods approvingly as Puck pushes open the door. She glances into the bag as she walks out the exit and says, "Noah? Do we need batteries for this or are they included?"

She looks up at Puck when he doesn't answer and sees the strange look on his face. Following his line of sight, she sees, of all people, Mr. Schuester standing a foot away, getting ready to walk into the entrance of The Passion Palace. He's stunned into stopping, his mouth agape as two of his students exit the store he's about to enter.

"Mr. Schue," Puck says as casually as possible, ticking his chin up in acknowledgement.

"Puck. Rachel," Mr. Schue says stiffly, his eyes darting around nervously.

Rachel stands still, the bag of lingerie and sex toys in her hands, as her eyes bounce between her boyfriend and her teacher. _Oh, God. _

Suddenly, Mr. Schue disappears inside the store without another word and Puck dissolves into laughter.

"Oh my fuck, Rach. Did you see the look on his face?"

"Noah! Our choir director just saw us leaving a sex store. And I was talking about _batteries _at the time!" When Puck doesn't stop laughing, Rachel smacks him on the arm and shoves the bag into his hand so she can unlock the car. They slide inside and Puck's still laughing and now he's nearly doubled-over.

"Ya think he's gettin' one of those blow-up dolls? Or maybe a pocket pussy?" Puck asks as they leave the lot.

"Shut up, Noah. Just _shut up_. I am _never _trusting you again. I should have known that this wouldn't end well. I should have listened to my gut and then we could have just checked some books out at the public library but _nooooooo_! You had to take me to the center of depravity in Lima and who, of all people, do we see? Our choir teacher! I could _kill _you, Noah Puckerman, _I could kill you_. If you think you're getting any now, you're _insane._"

* * *

One hour and one massive Puckerman groveling session later, Rachel's got the cowgirl costume pooled around her waist while Puck's tongue works her clit as he slides the dildo in and out of her. When she comes so hard that her world turns black for a second, she forgets all about why she was even mad…

…until the next day at school, when Mr. Schuester refuses to look either of his students in the eyes.


End file.
